This is NOT an April Fools Joke

You ever have one of those thoughts first thing in the morning that just blows your mind? And then you tell someone else and it blows THEIR mind too? How cool is that?! It's cool, right? Yeah. And I had one of those this morning.

Did you see that movie or read that book? You know, The Golden Compass. I never read the book but I watched the movie. God, what a terrible movie that was, right? Shocking piece of Hollywood shite.

Pineapple Studios: Hey Starman! Sorry, but, you're not a star man ...

Have you seen the TV show Pineapple Studios? Check it out before going any further http://starmanofficial.com/

You've got to admire Andrew Stone's passion but that's where it ends for me. Props to him for giving pop stardom his best shot but the deep irony of calling yourself 'Starman' and then playing small clubs for the bulk of your existence is nothing short of sad.

If You Gag When You Brush Your Tongue, Please, Don't Brush Your Tongue

What is with some people? Seriously, if you can't handle a toothbrush rammed into the back of your throat, don't put it there!

Why should the rest of us have to put up with the sound of you almost vomiting in order to brush your teeth and get a whole mouth clean? It's 7am! I don't want to hear someone choking on their half ingested bristle-head at 7am! It's not a good start to the day, really.

Cooking Shows Will Eat Themselves

I know. It's a bold prediction but in my opinion the overdose of cooking shows on our TV screens can only lead to one thing: they will eventually eat themselves. I believe it's already begun.

Trends come and go. Cooking shows are no different. They've reached their pinnacle and are entering a downward slide to ratings oblivion. Oh sure they're still enjoying massive success at the moment but mark my words, the light in their little oven is beginning to dim as sure as Gordon Ramsay's heart is to fail from extreme levels of cortisol in his bloodstream.

"Oh Shit!" Two Words You Don't Want to Hear During Your Colonoscopy

But that's what I heard during mine! Let's critique this hospital process a little more shall we?

When I was a kid hospital staff gave me lollipops and smiles and kindness. Now as an adult they give me no sugary treats, scornful frowns and attitude. And all I did to deserve it was get older. I feel like I'm being punished for something I can't even control.

First they make you sit in a big waiting room where everyone pretends that no one else is around, busily reading or looking at their mobile phone ... and then there's the odd one that just stares right through you. After about an hour in here you proceed to another waiting room, smaller in size, uncomfortably close to that person who is STILL staring at you. It is here that you are met with an impatient staffer who processes your short stay and takes your money.

How to Deal With Voting Booth Vermin

P.Diddy Proves My Previous Blog Post About Him Is Spot On

You know the ones. They stand outside polling booths on election day and try to shove their political party's 'How to Vote' pamphlets in your hand as you walk past. Do they really think that blocking the footpath and rudely shoving papers in front of your face is going to influence you to vote for them? As if that's going to change your mind on the way to the voting booth!

Anyway, my wife loathes them. It's hilarious to watch her deal with them. I've learned to stay about 20 metres behind her so that I am not associated with her mad ramblings and extremely dismissive attitude. Neither of us like them but each of us deals with them differently.

I Can't Party With P. Diddy

I was speaking to someone today who was telling me about a person they know who has been hanging out and partying with P. Diddy and all I could think was, "How can anyone party with P. Diddy? I sure as hell couldn't? Just look at the guy."

It's his head. It's his entire demeanour. What gets me the most is he thinks he's all that and he's not. Look at those vapid eyes, that almost heroin junkie nod of the head that he seems to think is oozing sex appeal and exerting dominance over you. Puh-lease! Don't make me laugh Diddy. You're the most uncharismatic star I've ever seen in my life. How are you on my TV screen? Why are you on our airwaves? Why does anyone ever interview you on talk-shows? That's a pointless exercise if ever there was one. I mean if this was a zombie film you'd have to cast this guy as the lead character. No make up to apply, just get one of his big ass bouncers to carry him in on their shoulders and push him onto the set - INSTANT ZOMBIE!

Holy Crap! It's an Information Tsunami!

Go on, do it! I dare you. Type: 'How to create and publish an e-book' into a search engine.

Now find out how to create and publish an e-book in a clearly stated step by step process (hahahahaha) AND at the same time find out the best deal for you in terms of owning and distributing your creative work (aaaahahahahahaha) PLUS being able to get the best deal on possible royalties for your work (bwahahahahahahahahaha) AND in which formats should you release it (BWAhahahahahahahahahaha) ... and how you do that (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA).

Must we have to put up with people like this to find out what we want to know?

Man Upset About Shopping

Is original eclectic music dead??

Not according to this whacked out band. I was trolling through the mp3 pages on the Australian site
mp3.com.au and came across this bizarre combination of original music across a wide range of genres complete with crazy MSPaint images for each track and just had to check it out.

Who is this man? Why is he so upset about shopping? I still don't know but I'm glad someone's out there making this kind of dark hilarious stuff. It's definitely a refreshing break from the normal stuff we hear.

Winning! The Charlie Sheen Subversion of Standard Star Protocols

Wow! What an exciting couple of weeks it has been for the Charlie Sheen camp.

I know a lot of people out there are sick of hearing about Charlie but I for one am not. Why?

Because in a way, he is actually winning!


How, you ask. Well the main reason is this: he did not follow the usual busted celebrity process of checking out from the public view, going to rehab for a few weeks (or months), then coming back and making a formal apology to everyone in the world, pretending to be truly sorry and then regaining his original respect prior to the event.