If You Gag When You Brush Your Tongue, Please, Don't Brush Your Tongue

What is with some people? Seriously, if you can't handle a toothbrush rammed into the back of your throat, don't put it there!

Why should the rest of us have to put up with the sound of you almost vomiting in order to brush your teeth and get a whole mouth clean? It's 7am! I don't want to hear someone choking on their half ingested bristle-head at 7am! It's not a good start to the day, really.

No wonder you don't eat breakfast when you feel so queasy after almost bringing your stomach up through your nostrils, just to have fresh breath. And doesn't that defeat the purpose? How fresh is your breath going to be when your stomach acid is laced around your tonsils at the beginning of your day?

What's that? It's the toothpaste you say. Well, how come you don't start gagging as soon as it goes into your mouth? It's not the toothpaste, it's how incredibly far you shove the toothbrush into your larynx! That's what's making you gag.

Have you thought of maybe sticking your tongue out as far as it will go and then brushing it instead of keeping your mouth wrapped firmly around the toothbrush and deepthroating it like you're in a scene from Throatgaggers 4? Don't google that unless you're over 18, very curious and want to throw up.

And at the end of it all what do you do? You light a cigarette don't you. 10 mins after putting us all through an ordeal that sounds like a human cat with a furball lodged in its throat, you light a friggin cigarette ... un-believable.