Is This A Jehova's Witness Magazine Cover? WTF is that? |
That's right, alien flicks. The question then is, do you create one where humans encounter aliens in outer space or do you create one where aliens encounter humans here on Earth. Personally, I think the former could be a good choice - something in the vein of Star Wars or Aliens but Bollywood style.
Imagine the Imperial forces engaging in a Bhangra dance to an upbeat version of the Imperial March with Emporor Palpatine shooting lightning out of his fingers as he tries to woo a cold distant Princess Leigha and you get the picture ... pretty damn cool huh? No, not really.
Unfortunately, Bollywood has chosen the latter and within their all too familiar romantic narrative style. A new movie will feature Ayesha Takia as an alien "woman" from Venus who comes to earth and meets a guy. Hilarity, romance and plenty of dancing ensues ... I'm assuming.
Why is it so hard for Bollywood to break free of this cheesy structure and create something horrifying? Well, I guess it's hard to be horrifying when you're singing and dancing all the time ... see The Rocky Horror Picture Show for proof of what I'm talking about.
But let's talk seriously for a moment. Take the concept they have about the Venus woman and put it into current scientific knowledge of what we know about Venus. It's not pretty and it's not romantic (the Roman's got it wrong but then they didn't have a friggin Hubble Telescope did they).
It's a very hostile planet covered in clouds of sulphuric acid. Surely this woman's saliva should contain sulphuric acid and anyone she kisses should scream in horror as their tongue or other bodily part is dissolved in her acid spittle. The atmosphere is mostly carbon dioxide, surely this Venus woman should be able to expel massive amounts into a small room and destroy any inhabitants within seconds. And it's surface is a dry and dusty landscape with possible lava flows running beneath it. One would imagine a fairly crusty looking sand woman coming from this country who possibly has lava for blood and can melt a man's appendage should it dare find its way into her volcanic pot. Hardly an attractive creature for a Bollywood film but dammit, that's the point!
Enough of the senseless gaeity! Enough of the romance! Enough of the beauty! Scare the crap out of us Bollywood - we fear your dance moves and colourful suits no longer. It's time to move on to the next phase of your development: HORROR.
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