Uhhhh... I'm Going to Make Horror Films in India

Haunted-3D or me outside my home after watching it?

Following my previous post about Bollywood alien films, and my assertion that Bollywood needs to move into horror films instead, I decided to do some research on what horror films, if any, had been made in India. Now, I actually take back the advice of moving into horror. It's, just not YOU. You know? Sorry India, I'm not picking on you, and yes I'm clearly ignorant of what's going on over there but what I did find horrified me in ways not generally linked to the genre.

For example: check out the director of a new Indian 3D horror film aptly titled Haunted - 3D, go here and click on 'trailer' to watch the video http://www.haunted3dfilm.com/

Scared yet? You should be. His film was so terrifying even for him that it turned his hair blonde! Is that all you have to do in India to be considered 'out there' as an artist? Bleach your hair? That was scariest thing I've seen in a while. But it doesn't end there, check out the synopsis of the film (all synopsis quotes in this blog article are taken from top10bollywood.com):

"In the misty mountains of Dalhousie stands the sprawling Glen Manor. A house with a secret past and a haunted present. Screams that shatter in the middle of the night and a ghoul that will leave anyone who dares headless. Rehan has bought the property and has already sold it further. Money, he stands to lose millions unless he can make the deal come through but to make the deal he has to first deal with the spirit that has the house in its grasp. As Rehan begins to unearth the bitter past of the house a name comes forth. A name with a picture and the girl in the picture is most beautiful. The name is Meera and Rehan wonders how anyone can fall in love with a picture and name. Till he discovers that the name and the picture was the cause of the haunting."

Shitting yourself? Me too, but for all the wrong reasons, right? Well, try this one on for size. This is a synopsis for a film called S ... that's right S ... one can only assume what that letter stands for ...

"On April 5th 2010, 5 students were punished on Campus. They were never seen again. Later a DVD was found. It had footage that was blurred, hazy, and almost impossible to watch. The picture was fuzzy, the sound was inaudible. It was a DVD of someone filming his friends. A college project? A prank? A new camera being used as a toy? But as the DVD unraveled, it got horrifying. It was almost as if the camera wanted to tell us what was happening while it was on. And the kids who were being filmed were... being killed?

No Details. No Witnesses. No Evidence. Until now. The DVD was disturbing. It was annoying not to know what it was. Was it a fun prank? Or more frightening, were there a bunch of kids who actually died... and were filmed while dying? Was this a matter to be investigated, or was this just another college fraternity initiation? Before we could go further, the DVD disappeared. So we couldn't go further. Logically, the chapter should have been closed. And this little incident of watching a blurred DVD should have slipped out of our minds. But it didn't. It remained. It became a nonstop thought that did not let us do anything. Thus S the film born."

And rightly so ...

Come on! For the love of Bollywood hip gyrations and an incredibly pointless plot! That's awful! Stick to what you do best. This sounds a bit more like it and is the synopsis for the upcoming thriller/horror film Ragini MMS:

"It features a passionate story of an ambitious, handsome boy and a beautiful girl [good, I'm following you so far] who elope to have some private and romantic time on a weekend. They go to a house and are oblivious of the fact that the house has installed hidden cameras at its every corner [ok ... a bit Sliver though]. All their private moments which they thought were shared only by the duo and to be kept secret by them alone are captured on the cameras [dance-off anyone?].  

These private pictures unveil something unheard of and unacceptable to normal humans [surely you're not referring to the creators of this film as 'normal humans']. That is where the paranormal behavior is brought into focus [oh, like Paranormal Activity]. There is love and scandal in the story [naturally] but the focus is not on the romantic moments [but that's what you do best!] but on the unacceptably weird behavior behind the doors of the house [so open one and see who the hell is jacking off behind it! God, do I have to do everything for you?!]."

Sigh ... there's only one thing left to do, bleach my hair, arm myself with a handful of mish-mash Hollywood narratives, go to India and do it myself.